You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
