dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he shaved USA in his pubs
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
