Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
