He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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