i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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