Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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