I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
