she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I pour the whiskey from now on
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
