Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
