Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
we're making bets on your personal life
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i've created a new STD.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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