there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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