I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
