When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
