Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Your cock deserves a montage
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
