Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
