ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
