he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
