The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
