its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You are a genius and a whore.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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