i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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