After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
