Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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