My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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