Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
