Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
