a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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