Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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