I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
