Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
