Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
