I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
That's when you crack a 10am beer
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
