**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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