I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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