Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
