There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
