I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
