I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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