I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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