He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I won't apologize to a one balled man
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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