Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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