she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My liver just had a heart attack.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
