a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
