i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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