actually, I'm a sock model
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
