if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
