my mouth tastes like poor choices
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Walk of Shame today included voting.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
