Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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