I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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