You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
