He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize