She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
