i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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