walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
