I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize