i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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