You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
