a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
