I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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