are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
