I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
