Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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