so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
