My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
