absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
