her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize