He asked me if I "almost moaned"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I love having hate sex.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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