Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
