So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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