if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
