spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Randomize
